“Watching a coast as it slips by the ship is like thinking about an enigma. There it is before you, smiling, frowning, inviting, grand, mean, insipid, or savage, and always mute with an air of whispering, "Come and find out".”
― Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness
Conrad was a seafarer, but if he was born in a different era, he may have written those words about the trails that beckon runners like me to see what we can find.
Me, and I don't know how many others arrive at the Basin Theatre to run the Quadruple Bypass, a 26km route encompassing four ascents of Mount Dandenong. For argument's sake, let's say there's 20 of us. That's 20 people who apparently ignored the fact that this is a course that Peter Mitchell has not wanted to attempt since he last ran it 15 years ago. I get extra "crazy" points, because I'm doing it on a morning when my kids are at my parents and I have elected to go running instead of sleep in.
I arrive a few minutes before we're due to depart and learn that we'll be splitting into two groups - one led by Peter and one by miler-in-training Vanessa. I'm in Peter's group, which includes, among others:*
- Peter. Australian marathon representative, winner Gold Coast marathon, 2x winner Bogong to Hotham (B2H), winner Oxfam Trailwalker Melbourne
- Kevin. Winner Maroondah Dam 50, multiple podiums including Maroondah Dam, B2H
- Ray. Multiple podiums including Maroondah Dam 50, B2H
- Rohan. Course record holder Oxfam Trailwalker Melbourne
- Kirra. Winner You Yangs 50, winner Lake Manchester 22km trail
- Cheryl. Winner Salomon Plenty Gorge long course.
In other words, I'm looking around, thinking to myself "I hope these guys can keep up."
[* These achievements are based on trail running chats and a very quick Google search. It would not surprise me in the least if I have dramatically understated the wins and podiums of these men and women. In fact, I'm sure I have.]
Ascent 1. Dodds Track and Caterpillar Track (3.02km, 370m elevation gain, 12.3% average gradient)
If you've ever run the Roller Coaster course, you'll know Dodds Track - it's the nastiest climb on the course. On today's course, Dodds is a warm up, the early ground work of a sick joke whose punchline won't come for another three hours. After cresting Dodds, we continue on to a climb I've never been up before - Caterpillar Track, a little gem of a hill (420m @ 22%). I think I remember smiling as I went up that one. Oh, the hilarity.
Ascent 2. Ridge Track and Range Road (2.84km, 360m elevation gain, 12.7% average gradient)
After heading down School and Banksia Tracks, we begin the next ascent to the top of Range Road. After run-walking up Ridge Track, you know what sounded like a good idea? Running side-by-side with Ray all the way to the top of Range Road. I haven't since asked the guys behind me if they could see the vapour of fuel tickets being burned, but I wouldn't be surprised if they did. Now that I think of it, I also didn't check to see if Ray was wearing a t-shirt with an "I'm with Stupid" arrow pointed at me.
Well, I got to the top of Range Road without stopping to walk and felt secure in the knowledge that I'd at least have a bloody good time for the Strava segment that someone, I was sure, had already created. Imagine my disappointment when I later discovered that the segment, for some inexplicable reason, ends about 100m AFTER the summit, which I reach after about five minutes of rest. If it's not on Strava.....
Ascent 3. Birthday Hill (1.39km, 372m elevation gain, 26.8% average gradient)
You know when you're running with Peter and it's meant to be "all downhill from here"? Of course, the descent to the start of Birthday Hill included a couple of bonus inclines on Dandenong Creek Track. But those "hills" are forgotten as soon as we start the toughest test so far - Birthday Hill. Three single track segments linking Edgar Track to the top of Zig Zag Track. Ray runs off on us all, followed by Kevin and Rohan. I remember running up this first segment once. Ba hahahahahaha.
And what's this? We get to the end of the first segment and those guys at the front aren't stopping. We ALWAYS stop here. Do I keep going? Do I wait for everyone else? Oh, ok, I guess I'll keep going. Somehow I manage to get to the top only 40 seconds slower than I had the previous week, when I had 'only' gone up Glasgow Track once before tackling Birthday Hill. In hindsight, I wish I had left just a bit more in the tank, because we had just a little 'pinch' to tackle before we could call it a day: Glasgow Track.
Birthday Hill
(Photo credit: Luke Johnston)
Ascent 4. Glasgow Track (1.33km, 389m elevation gain, 29.2% average gradient)
Trust Peter to leave Glasgow to last. Known variously as "The Scar", "The Firebreak", "The Overcrowded Hiking Tour Group Mecca", it's a rutted, rocky track that goes straight up the west face of Mount Dandenong and has a kick like a mule, even before the point where it reaches 50% gradient. We meet up with Peter's wife Jenny at the foot of the climb, who has brought fresh, cold water, and a positive attitude. I vaguely recall having one of these, once. But not now.
The climb starts and I'm reduced to a walk before I even get off the bitumen lead-up to the main track. This is not going to be pleasant. I know what's coming, having gone up it (fresh) the week before, in 20:38. I know I have at least 25 minutes, maybe 30, before I get to the top of this bastard. Ray, Kevin and Rohan disappear like phantoms, with Cheryl in hot pursuit. Jenny, having probably decided that grunted, single word responses didn't exactly constitute great conversation, powers ahead too.
One. Foot. In. Front. Of. The. Other.
Stupid. Range. Road. Schoolboy. Error.
Stupid. Peter. Mitchell.
Wait a minute... I'm almost there. I'm almost there! I reach the top after nearly 26 minutes and it's not Stupid Peter Mitchell any more. He's the Peter Mitchell who, over the course of countless trail runs, has helped prepared me for runs like this. Peter Mitchell, who shares his time, knowledge of the trails, and words of wisdom with hacks like me who could never even dream of achieving what he has in this running caper. The Peter Mitchell I'm glad to call my friend.
At the top of Glasgow Track
(Photo credit: Cheryl Martin)
Once we're all at the top, we remember that we're not actually at the top. There's just one little climb to go - there always is.
Extra Credit: Summit of Mount Dandenong
We partake in a wobbly-legged shuffle along Kyeema Track and just after the lookout, there it is - the track that leads to the highest point on Mount Dandenong (at least I think it is). We clamber up it and, like little kids, stand on a mound of gravel to make sure we're as high as possible. That's when Kevin reminds us that we're standing on the wrong mound, the official one is over there. And, again like kids, we run over and stand on that mound.
Standing on the (wrong) summit
(Photo credit: Cheryl Martin)
For once, it is all downhill from here. We arrive back at the Basin Theatre car park and my watch tells me we've covered 26.3km and climbed 1,728m in 4 hours and 5 minutes. The pain is forgotten, the ... No, actually, the pain is still there. Big style. But it's worth it. Or at least it will be. When I can think of something other than the pain.
Quadruple Bypass Profile
***
So, will it take me 15 years to run this course again? Well, after signing up for the 75km Buffalo Stampede next April, I dare say that it won't even be another 15 weeks before I give it another try. If you've read this far and you're thinking you might want to join me, all I can say is, "Come and find out".
